If I had to come up with one word to describe my relationship with Cariann, it would be “conversations”. When I was thinking about this, I was torn between the word “questions” and the word “conversations”. Cariann has always really loved to ask questions and has been very fervent about making sure she gets the answers. However, as I think about it, it hasn’t been so much the questions that were important to me as the conversations that ensued as a result.
When she was younger (I am 11 years her senior), the conversations I remember were about relationships (with boys), being an adult, politics. As we got older, the conversations were about relationships (with friends), health, food, religion, and crafts. In the past year the conversations were about relationships (with God), friendship, love, heaven, food, health, journeys, life, afterlife, sushi, family, religion, pets, books, our souls and death.
This year, we’ve really made time for the conversations and I have really valued this time. Death is a scary topic, and even scarier if you’re not sure if you’re allowed to talk about it. With Cariann, there has been no doubt that, not only were we going to talk about it, but that the conversation was going to dive deep into every crevice and bring it out of the scary darkness and into light. And, in the light, nothing is quite as scary.
No topic has ever been off-limits with Cariann and, while sometimes that can make a conversation uncomfortable, it also offered some level of freedom. Cariann has never asked questions out of judgment but only from a place of pureness of curiosity. She wants the “real” answer and not the canned answer that most people would give to get past a touchy subject. She is quick to call bull-shit on trite and routine responses. Her straightforward approach to life has been both refreshing and challenging, as it really does force you to have an opinion and to be able to voice that opinion coherently.
Over this past year, the questions she’s asked, and the conversations that have ensued, have certainly helped my soul to grow healthier and, I dare say, for her own soul to grow healthier as well. The soul she will soon be merging back with God will most definitely be better than the one that she started her life with. She has taken the riches given all of us at birth and multiplied them, not only within herself, but within the souls of the people she has touched.
Whether it’s the innocent and simple conversations of young adulthood, joyous conversations and time shared during parties and events and movies and craft projects, or the heavier conversations surrounding life, death and afterlife – my relationship with Cariann has helped me to grow and polish the edges of my own beliefs and to be able to see the core of my soul as a continuum that she shares.
One of my strongest beliefs is that we will have a very powerful ally on our behalf in heaven with the addition of Cariann’s spirit. I can only imagine the challenging conversations that God is in store for…
What are the conversations you will most remember with Cariann?