Let me explain. In late 2010, I was driving to work when, all of a sudden, I heard a thud and saw a white explosion of feathers on the front of my car. Shaking, I came to a stop and leaped out to look at the front of my car. No bird, no blood, but a lot of feathers that confirmed my suspicion. “I am soooo sorry little bird”, I whispered between tears. I took one of the feathers and said a silent prayer for the poor bird before continuing to the office. Once at work, I positioned the feather on my desk, determined to honor the soul of the bird whose death I had caused. The feather moved around, probably in the chaos that is my daily work life. Ultimately, it was always found and repositioned in places of honor.
Early in January, I was out on a New Year’s resolution walk when I spied a long slender white feather. I picked it up because it drew me and placed it on my dresser. That week, I received a call from the adopter of my very first foster, Spirit, asking if I wanted the chance to say goodbye. Spirit passed soon after. Several weeks later, I was cleaning and noticed that the feather was no longer on my dresser. I didn’t really think anything of it. Perhaps a cat swatted it behind and I’d find it years from now, coated in dust behind the dresser.
In April of that year, my aging tabby-cat, Shadow, became very ill with brain cancer and we began to fight desperately for her life. Several weeks after our fight began, I was crying in the back yard, when I found a pristine white feather on the ground outside my bedroom window. It was beautiful and fluffy. I felt compelled to pick it up, and placed it on my desk to the left of my monitor. For some reason, it brought me a vague sense of peace. A couple of days later, Shadow let us know it was her time and we took her to the veterinarian to replace her journey of pain with a journey of joy.
A few days after Shadow moved on, I noticed that, not only had the feather on my desk at home disappeared, but also the feather on my desk at work. I searched frantically for them both – not really sure why I was so desperate to find them, but desperate nonetheless. They never turned up.
In 2011, we lost 2 more pets (Midnight and Toffee) and another previous foster (Oreo). Before each one of them passed, whether or not I expected the passing, I would find a pristine white feather that I felt compelled to pick up. It would always disappear within days after the pet had passed. I’ve stopped being frantic about losing the feathers. I know now that I won’t find them. I find lots of feathers in my journeys out and about. I typically don’t pick them up as they are often far more beautiful drifting about in their natural settings. White ones come rarely and I always pick them up now. Since that time, I’ve lost 2 more pets, both unexpectedly and both deaths preceded by a feather.
You can choose to believe what you want about these coincidences. I choose to believe that this is the whisper kiss of that white bird, who is coming back to help my pets on their journeys to heaven and leaves those feathers so that I will know that they are safe and looked after.